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The Grass Is Always Greener .. On Another person’s Head

Why is it that girls are forever coloring long straight black hair wig their hair — curling, ironing, extending, feathering, crimping, pulling, twisting and bending it I have a expensive friend who, for the 26 years I’ve recognized her, has been making an attempt to undo the curls she naturally has, whereas I have all the time coveted her spectacular head of curls! For years, when she’d fall in the pool and are available out horrified that her hair was rapidly winding up into tight coils, I wished it had been mine. Now that she will have it chemically straightened, she swims with out worry and we snigger about this previous drama. I love her straight hair, because in the end I really like her. Still, it all the time struck me that she and that i could see her hair so differently, after we agree on so many other things.

I have solely colored my hair once. I had wonderful strawberry-blonde highlights placed on the information of my hair, to finally see what it was wish to be in the “tribe.” I always noticed coloring your hair as a proper of passage for girls, and just as soon as I needed to share the ritual. That was 10 years ago; I was 42. At this stage, I am pretty positive that most of the women I know color their hair — to cover the gray, to attempt on new seems to be, to keep up an image they’ve at all times had, however for years and years, I always assumed that the hair colour I noticed was the colour that naturally grew there. Nicely into my 40s, I naively believed this, and buddies would giggle at me when I might lastly notice “roots” or determine that their blonde was not nature-made. Now, I assume all hair is altered, until the evidence stating in any other case is obvious.

My high school graduation picture, 1981
I grew up with bright pink hair — each a blessing and a curse in my youth. My gym instructor called me “Carrot prime,” whereas others often referred to as me “Pink”; I hated each. I wished to have blonde hair like all the “standard ladies,” or wonderful brown curls, like my greatest pal — something however my own carrot top. All via school, when it was lengthy and that i suppose more placing, total strangers would come up and touch my hair. It drove my husband nuts after we have been courting; although I had come to suppose that touching individuals’s hair was regular — just like how strangers think they will contact a pregnant woman’s stomach. Once i went on The Phil Donahue Present in my late twenties, the present aired with Phil, along with his striking white mop of hair, stroking my red hair as I requested a question. Mates teased me for years about it, although Mr. Donahue’s response did not strike me as unusual at the time.

I’m in my 50’s now, I made peace with my hair a very long time ago. I’m blissful to be a redhead — even because it fades to a darker auburn, with more and more seen white and silver stragglers. For now, I’ll go on document and say I do not plan to ever color it once more.

My color; my curls- Wash and go!
I haven’t owned a comb or brush for 18 years; I use my fingers and spritz it with water when it wants fixing. I solely get my hair reduce into kinds that require sleep, washing and little else. I admit that I’m lazy. For the most half, I’ve let go of that one vanity. For that, I feel very lucky and grateful; I do know that numerous girls invest hundreds more effort. My good pal C, who used to chop it for me, has instructed me time and again: “Sure, you can have that style, if you are prepared to spend a few minutes with a flat iron, or if you’re prepared to make use of some more product, or blow it out..” However, figuring out me properly, she too surrendered, and i went with small variations on the identical, short lower for years. Admittedly, as it’s grown out, I’ve railed against it a bit more. With more hair to wrangle, it is not as straightforward to simply let it go. Some days I nonetheless want it was curlier, longer, thicker.. like that lady’s or that one, or the one over there, however for the most part, I’ve surrendered this single battle.

Once i instructed my daughter what I was writing, she shared that she as soon as wore a hijab for several days in assist of Muslim associates at faculty. She mentioned she discovered it very eye-opening, though her professors gave her odd appears to be like. Carrying the hijab, she realized simply how a lot power, bodily and spiritually, she puts in to her hair every day. “The main target,” she mentioned, “was immediately solely on my personality — just me — not as much on my looks. It was so freeing!” I understand her point, as that’s how I really feel with my low-upkeep hairstyle.

Graduation day. My woman wore her hair unfastened and free; I flat-ironed mine.
My daughter has gorgeous wavy hair, which has been altering from the blonde of her childhood to the darker color it will in all probability be as an adult. She asks me: “Mother, is my hair getting darker ” with a nervous expression. “Yes; it is gorgeous,” I reply. I take a look at her via a mom’s eyes, however I understand that she is wondering if her hair won’t be nicer wavier, or straighter, thicker or blonder once more. As her mother, I wince, understanding that she is struggling with the same problems with self-esteem that so many ladies face. While every of us admires someone else’s locks, we will not settle for that someone is probably going wishing for yours, or yours.. or mine. It isn’t acceptable to say I want I had your husband, your own home, your career, your life.. however so many women say: “I’d kill on your hair.”

In truth, it is actually uncommon to hear a lady say I really like my hair. As a substitute, ladies spend billions every year to change the hair they’ve; we work tirelessly to tame our tresses and attain a sure look. Black ladies do it; white ladies do it. Asian ladies do it; Latina girls do it; Orthodox women do it and secular girls do it. Girls with money do it, women who do not have money do it. No matter our race, tradition, religion and sometimes socioeconomics, most of us seem to be chasing the grass on someone else’s head.

For now, I nonetheless covet my neighbor’s stuff: I might love her figure and her wardrobe; hell, her husband is fairly cute. Nevertheless, in the case of my hair, I think I will exit on a limb here: I’m happy with my hair. On “unhealthy hair days” I may occasionally dream of longer, curlier, other hair, but for the foreseeable future, I’m sticking with the grass that grows alone head.

(And on a foul day, I will put long straight black hair wig on a hat!)
What say you Are you happy with what you have got, or are you perpetually looking for to vary what grows on high

This story was originally posted on Daybreak Quyle Landau’s bog, Tales From the Motherland. Test it out, to read more of my work. Observe me on Facebook and Twitter. It’s also possible to hit the thumbs up icon at the top and to the right of put up, to instantly receive future posts.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:
SILVER: A Way of thinking

Follow Daybreak Q Landau on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DawnQLandau
Daybreak Q Landau
Mom, Writer, Traveler, Treasure Hunter and Sushi lover. Dawn was named a BlogHer “Voices of the Yr” for 2015, A HuffPo 50’s “Should-Learn Blogger for 2015,” and she writes usually on her blog: Tales From the Motherland.

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